Sana’s Bastard

I just got back from a goodbye lunch invite at Sanas’.  I felt bad because I had to leave my friend at home, but Sana was adamant that I show up alone.  I was excited to catch up over lunch about her cheating husbands drama.  What I didn’t anticipate was having to eat lunch with the cheating bastard.  When he opened the door, I think my mouth may or may not have dropped to the floor.    I was suppose to pretend not to know that he had cheated on her.  What I thought would be a nice goodbye dinner between friends, was anything but nice.  I felt like no mans land between them.

“WHAT the hell is he doing here?! And you couldn’t mention this to me before I came?!” I said to her as I was helping her pour the food onto plates.

“I knew if I told you, you would be a no show.  I had no choice! And he’s back because our families got involved.  I had no say.  My mother-in-law told me I am lucky that at the end of the night he comes home to me!”

“Yeah that and all the freaking diseases he’s probably bringing with him! How are you even able to look him in the eye? Jesus, the tension in this house can be cut with a knife!”

” I know, I know.  I hate his fucking guts.  Every morning before he awakes, I contemplate murdering him in his sleep.  Or pouring poison in his tea. But when I say I have no choice, I really mean it.  My family already told me if I leave him, I will be disowned. I have no where to go.  I am suppose to just look past this and be glad he’s back.”

For once I had no words for her.  I  just passed her tissues, and hugged her while she cried in the kitchen.   As soon as we sat down to eat lunch, she was a different person.  Her tears were replaced with an ice cold smile, and her eyes had murder in them.  She showed no emotion, but I did.  I was pissed off, and couldn’t even lift my eyes to look at him.  His whole being disgusted me, and every time he commented on how he hadn’t seen me for a while, I would just nod.  When Sana went into the kitchen to make tea, and bring the desert I couldn’t keep my big mouth shut.  I had no reflexes when I was faced with a bastard.

“Aishhhh honestly I can’t sit here and pretend not to know! You’re a fucking bastard who doesn’t deserve her. And I hope the next time you decide to cheat on her you get a disease that makes your penis fall off.”  I said this way too fast. I could feel my face getting hot with anger, and embarrassment as well.

” I know,”  was all that he said.

I had expected a war, being kicked out of their house, a shut-the-fuck-up this doesn’t concern you sort of line.  BUT NOTHING.  I was left speechless.  I had mentally prepared for a fight.  When Sana came back in with the tray of desserts and tea, I knew I had to make my exit.  She didn’t object to my leave.  Maybe because she sensed something when she came back in.  I left feeling a bit relieved but also bad at the same time.  Maybe he had learned his lesson, or maybe not.  I think what they don’t realize is that there is no going back from someone who cheats.  Once mistrust takes root, nothing in the world can erase it.

“I love you, and call me if you ever need anything.  You know my place is yours.”

She said nothing to me.  When I got into the cab I could see that she was crying.  I just watched her, as the cab drove away.  I felt like I was in a bad movie, without the background music.  She the heroine, and I the supporting actress whom makes a small cameo without impacting any change in the main characters life.

MOVE OUT!

I am officially now moving.  WAH WAH.  I found the cutest gay guy (of course) to take over my lease.  He will be moving in as of October the first and I will be moving out any day now.  Any day now…  As I told you my best friend from my hometown is here and she will be helping me with this move.   She has a four door tiny ass car that she hopes will fit all of my clothes and shoes.  It will probably fit one thing, my shoes, or my shoes.   We are contemplating whether to rent a big truck, but that would mean driving alone for five hours, and that’s something I refuse to do.  For now I am on a smoothie diet.  Not, because I like smoothies, but because my freezer for some unknown reason is FULL of frozen berries. In the hopes to save some money , and not waste any food, we have decided to drink berry smoothie for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Today is day one of the smoothie diet.  Lets hope we make it to day three or until all of the berries are gone. Other then that, there is nothing to else in my life, other then figuring out how to make everything fit into a tiny car.

STATUS: WORTH THOUSANDS OF NEGATIVES

I just went to the bank.  I asked for a loan, I got declined.  I set up a meeting with a financial advisor, on how to save money I don’t have.  I didn’t go see one, because I wanted to learn how to save money.  I went to see one, in the hopes of getting a loan approved.  I thought to myself, MAYBE if I show the bank that I am someone who is looking into saving, they will approve my loan, they will see that I am an upstanding citizen who wants to build a better future and make investments.  I wanted to come off like a business woman whom has changed her ways and is looking to change her financial future.  What made me think of this? Well you know how in school, you sucked at a class and no matter how much you studied you could not for the life of you understand anything.  So you went to class EVERY SINGLE DAY, showed up 10 minutes earlier, sat in the front row, and asked the teacher a million questions.  All in the hopes that your teacher saw that you were indeed dedicated but just really dump.  And so they took pity on you and passed you anyways.  Trust me, this is from experience.   This is how I passed accounting in college when more than half the class failed.  And for photography?  YES I indeed failed photography.  How do you ask did I fail photography?  Well very simple.  When you think you’re way more talented than everyone else, and you take pictures of everything upside down, because you assume that’s how the talented work: by thinking outside the box.  Apparently not my teacher, he couldn’t tell what any of the objects were and so he failed me.  I guess thats off topic, since showing up early didn’t help in my photography class.  I guess the point is with the bank it was either like my accounting class or my photography class. Not to mention I am drunk as I write this post.  But then again when haven’t I been drunk lately.  I feel like a camel whom is storing water (alcohol) for when the going gets tough.  Because I know once I go back to live with my family, I will never see a bottle of alcohol ever again.  So back to the bank.  The advisor (VERY cute BTW) couldn’t understand why I was there.  Not my cute outfit, or my cake face could change his mind.  That bastard.  I realized when I walked out that he was not cute, but looked like a turtle.  A turtle whom could have saved me from financial ruin!

Friends

Another week passed by, and I didn’t even realize it.  I am still on the hunt for someone whom will take care of the apartment like I did.  I don’t want all the hard work I did, like the tiles and new fresh pain to be wasted on a hobo.  It doesn’t even belong to me, but it still feels like it.  Anyways, other then that I told a few of my friends I was moving.  Preeti cried, and offered me her bedroom.  Sana asked if she could count on me for aiding her in the murder of her husband, and Layla? Well, she’s still in denial and thinks I will be going back to work any time soon.  She just can’t contemplate any of it.  She needs me more then ever, to go dress shopping with her, and listen to her brag about the love of her life.  Thank god I wont have to listen to HOW ROMANTIC her HUSBAND-TO-BE is.  She never calls him boyfriend, but her husband-to-be.   I call him under-the-table lover.    She’s getting ready for him to come for her hand in marriage, and she’s already planned the wedding for March.  I feel like there is a lot of catching up to do with the shit my friends have done.  I can tell you that her husband-to-be, already sounds like a husband-won’t-be, but Layla knows better.  I should stop being such a cynical person she says.  A cynical person is what I will be, if I know for a fact the guy is an asshole.  And her husband-to-be is nothing but an asshole.

Lost In Alcohol

You’re probably wondering why I still haven’t written an easy about quitting my job, and then having to move. It’s probably because I’ve been drunk since last week. I try to numb the pain of having to move back with my parents with alcohol. LOTS OF IT.   I know I have to say goodbye to everything that I know AKA the alcohol, and become everything that I am not (AKA NEVER drinking again). My best friend has decided to stay with me for now, and help me sell my furniture and find someone to take over the lease on my apartment. Because my location is so amazing, we’ve already found a few people whom are more then happy to take over the lease, as well as buy all the furniture. However I am having a tough time signing the papers, and committing to a move. I’ve contemplated going back to work for about five seconds, and realized I really REALLY hate that job, more than the idea of moving in with my parents. That, and leaving my ex-manager a drunk 3 am voice mail, in which I stated how much of a dick sucking, ass licking, asshole he is. You can bet I changed my number the very next morning, after I had numerous calls from him. Then you’re wondering why not find another job? Well frankly I am tired of the 9-5 jobs, and I am tired of all jobs at this point. Also I am in so much debt that its making me lost sleep at night. Shouldn’t I be debt free at my age? Anyways saying all of that I feel like it would be good to live with my parents again, and maybe I can save for something other then shoes. Oh and maybe just maybe I will agree to one of those arranged marriage matches they always find. I mean after all what’s wrong with being a house wife to a guy whom will lock you up in his big mansion? I am sold, as long as his mansion comes with a room full of shoes. 

I Quit

I quit my job today. It was actually more like I was hearing rumors that I was about to get fired if I didn’t change my ways, and frankly I had ZERO intentions of changing my ways. So I kept my head high, and instead of giving a two week notice like most professionals, I did a little something called quitting via voicemail. You see I am not the type to ever be good at doing things face to face, even something like breaking up with a boyfriend. My friends always used the line of “oh but he deserves a face to face break up”. I did not believe in face to face breakups, and apparently I didn’t believe in face to face quitting. And so today I made sure to wake up super early and call into work, before anyone was there to avoid an awkward situation. I left my manager a voicemail saying I wont be returning to work, as I have decided to go and travel the world. Travel the world my ass, as I didn’t even have a penny to pay for my own coffee. My decision was so rash, that even now I have no idea how I did it. I think a lot of people are in shitty jobs their whole lives just to pay their bills. That was my exact situation, but to what end? I wasn’t saving a penny but rather pre spending all of my pay cheques on five star hotels, and 6 dollar lattes. I wasn’t going anywhere in my current position neither higher nor lower, and I wasn’t good at being an asshole either. That only left me one choice which was to quit my job, rent out my apartment, and move back home. Since this morning, I have 6 missed calls from my supervisor, and I haven’t picked any of them up. I hated that ass licking prick whom checked out your ass when exiting his office. And so after four years of a hated job, I finally did it. I quit without explanation.

I called my bestest to visit me and help me figure out what to do next. She’s on her way but won’t be here for another 3 hours. In the meanwhile I am a bit panicked, and the 6 stages of grieve are kicking in all at once. I have a sick apartment that I am sad to leave, as well as everything in it. I made no plans for this sudden quit, it was like my body had acted out of its own accordance, with no consideration for my feelings. Like a bad boyfriend whom dumps you over text, or friends whom make plans without inviting you. So now I have to rent out my place, hope someone takes the furniture and pays me something for it, and figure out my next move. Which just means I have to tell my family that I have finally quit, and will be coming home. Something that I am sure will make them happy, and me utterly miserable. I realized its 11:28 pm and I have been sitting in my apartment all day trying to think of anything and everything that my justify my decision. Nothing does at this point. As I wait for my friend to arrive, I am wondering if quitting mid work week is a bad omen? Or is there such a thing as a good day to quit your job?

Mother

Just got off a call with 45 minute call with my mother, and told her to tell Murad’s family I have said no. I don’t feel like changing everything that I am to mould into everything that he wants. A huge mistake my mother argues. Compromises must be made in order to make a relationship work. What she means by this, is that I made all the compromises, while he makes none. No thank you. This is my last chance at a good marriage proposal,she says. After him no one will want to marry me. She says this like its a fact, and list off all the reasons I won’t be a wanted bride.

  • Getting too old
  • too picky
  • too independent
  • too white washed
  • no guy/family wants a girl whom lives on her own
  • no guy wants a girl whom has so many guy friends
  • no guy wants a girl whom wears a bathing suit in public
  • no guy wants a girl whom travels all the time
  • no guy wants a girl whom doesn’t own a car or her own place
  • no guy wants a blabber mouth
  • no guy wants a girl with dark skin
  • too skinny more meat on you ( even though she called a whale last time she saw me)
  • no guy wants a girl whom says everything on her mind

And I can list off all the reasons a guy from my culture would want to marry a girl. Actually, only one thing on that list: be a bobble head who says yes to all of his demands. I’ll leave that to all the girls whom are afraid of dying alone. The only thing I am afraid of, is giving up everything that I am, for someone whom is everything that I never wanted.